rage!

today has made me so angry!
i woke up and i still have my headache, though nowhere near as bad.
booked a drs appointment for thursday, hopefully theyll be able to help.

robyn is just there all the time now, and its so fucking annoying, i tried to do revsion so she decided to dry her hair, then play on her fucking xbox. not like there isnt a 40 inch tv sitting downstairs not being used or anything. but no. she had to go to the one room where i was revising.

catherines not allowed to stay round in the week anymore because its not fair on robyn as shes 'working'. i do more bloody shifts a week than she does and im at college every fucking day but simons still allowed to stay round at the weekend when i have to work. but of course its different when its robyn. and its not just me being the bitter middle child, everyone else sees how unfair they are being.

and im in the middle of exams, and i know i dont do loads round the house but i do more than robyn does, she plays xbox alll day and gets asked to do nothing, yet as soon as im about to leave for work or college or im revising for my exams that i actually want to pass i get asked to do something. that just isnt fair.

and talking to mum and dad about mortgages has made me sad. catherine and i want to move out this year, even if its only into a rented house, but its so expensive. im really tempted to leave college and get a full time job so we can get some more money than what weve got. i just want to move out of this house. its really making me start to hate my sister for being here all the time.

but staying happy! looking at all the things we could get for when we move out, even look at fridges or washing machines makes me happy!!

ive had an idea and im really excited about it, dont wanna say what it is yet but EXCITED! :D its something for our house (eventually!) to make it nicer but have to start it before i say what it is, so its not just another thing id like to do!

:(

well didnt improve on my results i dont think :( ill try harder tomorroow but :(

oh well one exam down four to go!

tomorrow is date night! me and catherine are going to watch a film then going out for ameal :) just the two of us :)

Exams

its the first of my retakes tomorrow, and i really havent done enough to improve on my grades from last year>.<
just wanted to get an A. :(

Othello...shite!!

cant wait to save enough money to be able to move out with catherine, it would be amazing to live with her and be away from here and all the arguements.

weve decided were going to save all of our money and start look ing for some more work maybe, just so moving would come quicker.

its annoying though because until i finish college i can only have part time work and im not even guaranteed any hours where i am now so it sucks as i dont have a steady income :(.

my first exam is the day after tomorrow and i really dont see myself improving on the grade, i would love to take it up to an A but i dont see it happening, but i can still try!

so the only exception to spending money is going to be this friday, im going to take my girl out to the cinema and then take her to frankie and bennys for a nice meal, just the two of us. just so she knows that i really appreciate her and how much she means to me, then ill save everything and hopefully get enough to start thinking about moving out.

excited!!!!!

2012

havent blogged in over a month.

i think it was something to do with that i hate the way the blog looks now.

i didnt blog at all over christmas, i didnt really have much time i guess, but christmas and Catherine's birthday were amazing.

christmas day for us was split between both families, and i really enjoyed it. Catherines parents made me feel really included, which meant alot, especially as my family did everything without which was horrible.

i finally met her grandad aswell, and i think he might like me! he seems really nice and doesnt mind me being there, i hope anyway! also catherine met my nana which also was better than i expected

i think catherine enjoyed her birthday though, especially as she got to open her presents in the morning with her family, so i was there at 7:30 in the morning!! and we brought her some fishes, and she seemed really happy :)

saw megan and Kai a few times throughout the holiday, would have liked more but i worked quite a lot :/ i like spending time as the four of us and think it awesome that i see megan more and Kai, AND! we introduced them to our carbonara, with just a hint or garlic... and i think they liked it!

got my exams this week and i know i wont improve on any of my grades but im trying, and ill feel so much worse with these results as i tried really hard and i have actually been revising for once. but i do have the next two weeks off of work..hopefully! which means i can do more revision and spend loads of time with my girl.

so UCAS applications have to be in by the 15th of this month, and i eventually decided i wasnt going to apply. i love the idea of going to uni, but the actual being there and doing the work and finishing, i dont think ill be able to do, also Sarah and Sharon did have concerns over whether id be able to cope there or not. But its something i can come back to, i could be a mature student or do a part time course in the future. so for now ill concentrate on my exams then ill look for a full time job, one that will interest me and id like to actual do.

so, in keeping with the traditional new years resolutions i do have a few;

• loose weight - as always, but it needs to be done, preferably before we go on holiday, im not bothered about weight so much as size, id like to get down to a size 14 this summer so i could actually wear a dress or shorts and not have to wear jeans and look like a hot sweating pig.
• get fitter - i want to start running again and get into it properly, then i can run for distance and would eventually like to run for an hour at the least.
• pass my exams - id like to get decent grades in my lessons, maybe even an A, B, C that would make me happy.
• save my money and get a full time job - need to save so me and catherine can move out, its getting really hard to be away from her over night. but we need enough money so we can move out comfortably.
• write more and start blogging frequently again - i want to try and write everyday.
• keep my room tidy - its making me really angry and grumpy when its messy and i take it out on catherine so that needs to change.
• walk - ive decided that im going to start going for walks again, and im going to bring Catherine and her camera with me, then she'll get back into her photography, i know she misses it.
• meet up with friends more - especially megan and kai, also want to see ness and dev soon to, but i know its difficult as everyone has their own lifes and work and relationships but it would be nice to see everyone at least nice a fortnight.